What’s the worst that could happen?

First off, a note to everyone. This post has been written over several days, so I apologize for any rough parts. This isn’t quite where I pictured this post to going, and there will most likely be a second part coming eventually. But first, I’ve got a post for The Handover to get done, and a blog game that our lovely Cicatrix posted up that she gave me permission to use. So without any more rambling, the post:

Ok, to my two or three readers who expect something EMS, you’re mostly going to be dissapointed. That little difference in rural EMS of not running calls compared to urban EMS has reared it’s ugly head. My service is not running too many calls right now, it seems my black cloud has slightly worn off. Hopefully that changes for my next shift.

So other than that, it’s been a busy weekend for me. I worked a 12 on Thursday during the day and an on call shift that night. From my opening, I’m sure you can probably guess how many calls we ran on that one. Yep. Just one. And we were canceled before we even hit the scene. So I was actually able to get some sleep, which was a good thing, cause Friday was a long day.

Friday consisted of trying to get my car inspected so I can get it registered here in TX. It’s actually kind of nice to not be afraid of getting pulled over cause my tags were two months out of date. I’ve been procrastinating for some time about getting it done, but since I was going to spend the majority of Friday and Saturday driving, I figured it was about time to do it, especially since I was going through the only little town I’ve ever seen that ticketed my while driving an ambulance.

Why would I be spending most of my weekend driving you ask? Well, I had to drive to Clovis, NM on Friday. My New Mexico state EMT-I test was at 0900 on Saturday morning. I figured that even though I am working in TX, my proximity to NM and maybe working part time just across the border might make it a handy time to have my full NM EMT-I cert (I’ve had a provisional EMT-I cert in NM since I did the transition course this summer, but as I found, no one will hire you with a provisional certification). And if those reasons aren’t good enough, I had already paid to take the state test :) So I might as well.

Have you ever driven in West TX/East NM? No? Well let me describe it to you. Lets start with the landscape. Flat. With a primary color of ‘dying plant brown’, but some ‘puke green’ highlights here and there. Then toss in ‘towns.’ I though I lived in a small town, but a lot of these places you literally can blink and miss them. Then lay down the road. Almost all straight, but with exactly 9 slight curves on the trip up there. I think I counted 14 stop signs/lights during the trip too. I could almost lock my steering wheel straight ahead, and take a nap for the duration of the trip. So when I say it’s a boring drive, trust me, it’s really^3 boring.

So I get up there and into my hotel. Figure I want to hunt around for a beer and a burger so I can study some more. I found out my ex-fiance and her husband, my ex-partner are both going to be there. She was testing for recert for her NM EMT-B since she let it expire. That’s another reason for the beer. It’s really going to be the first time I sit down and talk with them after everythign that has happened in the past.

So I eat, and drink, and study, and drink. Finally I decide that if I don’t know this crap by now, I’m not gonna pass anyway. So I took out the studying bit and just went to surfing the net and drinking beer. Hey it worked. And I relaxed a bit.

But people, if you have to take a major test the next day, don’t get too drunk that you wake up feeling like your head is going to explode. It’s not a good frame of mind. I went to the hotel’s complimentary breakfast to try and eat something pretty bland, when I see the couple I didn’t want to see till after the test walk in. I had no idea they were staying at the same hotel I was. This was going to be a more interesting day than I had originally thought.

I say hi to her, gave her a hug. I ignore him. I’m still hurt by what I see as him betraying me, his partner. We worked together for months and he managed to stab me in the back. Me and her talk a little, just small talk about how her parents are doing, how’s my old service treating people, the coming test. That sort of thing. Soon enough the time has come for us to head over to the local community college to take our state tests.

It all seemed like a blur, but I walked out of the test feeling good about it. That could be a bad thing, since every time I felt good about a test in P-school, I wound up not getting very high marks on it. But maybe this will be a good start to this next batch of learning and testing I’ll be doing with my second go about medic school.

I find myself sitting across the table at an iHop from them a few hours later… Just like old times when we all worked together. It’s an odd feeling. We talk about what we want for our futures. I find out that my ex and her husband are trying to have a baby, and she is talking about going to school for her Doctor of Oriental Medicine. He is still talking about Medical School, and one in NM has pretty much already accepted him.

We started talking about what I wanna do. They both were happy to hear me decide that I wanted to do the BS-EMS Critical Care at UNM. Then he said something that stopped me in my tracks, “You know, that degree was made so UNM could try to attract more EMS providers into their medical school. Have you thought about going on to that?” I couldn’t say much, just shook my head no. I just told him that I didn’t think I could do it, that it was just a dream I had.

“After working with you for almost a year, I think you can do it. There’s no harm in trying. Talk to your old hospital, they have been having trouble keeping Emergency Medicine docs in their Emergency Departments. What’s the worst that could happen?” Hearing those words come out of the mouth of a man that I dislike, who dislikes me just as much made me stop and think about it. After all, if someone who doesn’t even like me, but knew what I could do thought I could do something like this…

It’s a similar situation like a fellow blogger had. She was talking to a friend at work and the same thing hit her. I don’t know what to do at this point. I did call my old hospital to talk to their ED director. He told me that they could very well work out a deal with me if I get undergrad out of the way and get accepted into the City Medical School. I’m just flabergasted that anyone would think I can do it.

I love being a field provider, a ditch doctor as some people call EMS. But the idea of being able to get to the top of the system and try to get change to happen for the field I love is a strong pull to doing it.

After all, what’s the worst that could happen?